I Am [FILL IN THE BLANK], and I Approve This Message

On this day of the Iowa Caucuses, in which the Real Americans™ of Iowa (or at least those without any prior commitments* -- a percentage forecast at about 10-12% of the R-A-of-I) go to their Caucuses (designed to "talk over party business and local concerns") and tell the interested spectators in the other 49 states, to say nothing of the rest of the fracking world, who we'll get to choose between in eleven months...

On, as I was saying, this day, a vital message has been entrusted to me by [PICK CANDIDATES NAME]. Here's what they wanted to say:

My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward! Upward not forward! And always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!

Doesn't that just make you proud to be an American? Now, go out and vote!

...Okay, okay, that quote was really from The Simpsons, "an episode broadcast during the 1996 Clinton-Dole campaign, [as] the space alien Kodos, doing his best to impersonate an American politician in a live televised debate, delivers his opening statement". I got it (and that description of it) from this interesting post here (itself via). I kept bursting into giggles after I read it, and the fourth or fifth time I decided to post it here.

Happy Iowa Caucus Day.

Update, Tuesday Night: Yay Obama!!!!

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* Such as -- according to that article -- workers, parents, soldiers and the infirm... guess that leaves a lot of Real Americans™, huh?