Quotes of the Day: Andy Borowitz Edition

In one article, Andy Borowitz captures the essence of both political parties today. In the headline -- actually, in the sub-headline -- he nails Obama precisely:

In Compromise, Republicans Allow Obama to Create One Part-Time Job
Step in Right Direction, President Says

Bull's-eye.

And then he nails the Republicans -- the only reason this is not perfect is that he happened to pick on the person whose front-runner status has just been canceled, so he's nailing the wrong guy, but since he was the right guy (or the right's guy) as of a week ago, it's still pretty apt:

"If we don't cut Social Security now, we won't have enough money to execute our children's children," Gov. Perry said.

Bull's-eye again.

The rest is pretty funny too, although I think those were the best parts.