In Which the Terrifying but True Story of Recent Events

-- Whose Results Appear to the General Public To Be the Outcome of a Simple, Ordinary Haircut Performed Upon Your Humble Author -- Are At Last Revealed to the World, a Circumstance Which Only the Inevitable Disbelief of a Skeptical Audience Allows; a Tale Told Somewhat More Tersely Than the Present Title Might Indicate.

Haunted lawnmower.