Thursday, February 03, 2011

The Onion Continues to Live Up To Its Tag Line, "America's Finest News Source"

The newspaper that brought you the single story that told you everything you really needed to know about the Bush administration before it happened now brings you the essential political story of the current moment. The headline and the first paragraph:

Republicans Vote To Repeal Obama-Backed Bill That Would Destroy Asteroid Headed For Earth

In a strong rebuke of President Obama and his domestic agenda, all 242 House Republicans voted Wednesday to repeal the Asteroid Destruction and American Preservation Act, which was signed into law last year to destroy the immense asteroid currently hurtling toward Earth.
I found the story via Ezra Klein (in turn via Gerry), but Ezra leaves out some of the best bits of humor, which are in some of the details. It has the miserable cowardice and smallness of the Democrats pegged, for instance:
In support of their position, Democrats have pointed to estimates from the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office that show repealing the law could result in a loss of up to $14 trillion in the nation's GDP.


"...While I recognize that intelligent minds may disagree on this issue, I believe we have an obligation to prevent our citizens from having their flesh seared off in a global firestorm that transforms our planet into a broiling molten wasteland," Obama added.
They've also got the news media pegged too:
"If efforts to destroy the asteroid are successfully overturned, then there will be major ramifications for both Obama and his Republican opposition, as well as the American populace at large," political scientist Alan Abramowitz said on Face The Nation Sunday. "This could have a huge impact come 2012."
Oh, and in case anyone thinks this is satire: I guess technically it is, but only slightly. Really it's just euphemism. To decode it, just read "environmental destruction due to global warming" for "immense asteroid". Then it stops being funny -- but doesn't, alas, stop being true.


Barry Deutsch said...

Alas, it's not euphemism. Because in real life, the Democrats never even got around to passing an anti-global climate change bill.

Stephen said...

I was taking "giant asteroid" as a euphemism for "global-warming". Perhaps "euphemism" is the wrong word. (I bet there's a Latin name for the rhetorical device of making an argument about one thing while really discussing something else...)